Unsure About Boundaries?

There are lots of resources about boundaries. Equally, there’s lots of confusion about that topic. I’ve heard many opinions about setting boundaries. Some are helpful. Others are uninformed. A few are arrogant. And some are rather judgmental. Basically, it seems many folks are unsure about boundaries.

So, is “boundaries” just another “buzz” word? What does God think about boundaries? And why would you set boundaries in your life?

Unsure About Boundaries

Over the decades, I’ve discovered some Christians squirm when you talk about setting boundaries. That topic provokes various responses. Some people become too extreme in setting boundaries. Some apply them with dysfunction. Others have figured out setting boundaries is necessary to protect what God made us managers over. A few realize healthy boundaries assist in living a balanced, purposeful life.

If you don’t know why or how to set good boundaries, you are missing a key element for a healthy life. In fact, a lack of good boundaries brings anxiety, as well as other problems.

Interestingly, there are three main reasons to be familiar with boundaries.

1. The Lord teaches them.
2. Jesus modeled boundaries.
3. Setting healthy boundaries is wisdom.

 

In this material, we’ll look at each of these three reasons for setting healthy boundaries.

1. The Lord’s Teachings

Most people don’t think Jesus is concerned about boundaries. However, the opposite is true. God knows the best-lived life has godly borders – boundaries – in place.

If you boil Christ’s teachings down to root principles, obedience is linked to a boundary. And this obedience follows being aware of what pleases God. Plus, it’s being alert to opportunities to honor God.

For example, in the parable of the virgins waiting for the bridegroom, half took provisions needed and half did not. Half planned, purchased, prepared, and carried out the plan. When the other half realized they were running out of oil, they asked the wise virgins to share. The wise virgins refused to share. (Mt. 25) Interesting! Not share? Hmmm. Is that even Christ-like?

Not sharing is not the issue here. Rather, foolishly giving away God’s provision for you, while compromising your priorities, is the issue.

Additionally, not accepting and being thankful for boundaries God has put into place on your behalf shows a certain disrespect for God. Plus, it reveals disregard – or at least unawareness – for what He desires for your life. It even smacks of personal pride.

So, following Jesus’ teachings about boundaries involves being aware and alert to what God is doing. Essentially, setting aside your agenda for His.

Wisdom Of The Virgins Parable

Interestingly, if the wise virgins had given away the resources they gathered, they would have missed the thing dearest to their hearts: the bridegroom’s arrival.

This parable talks about Jesus’ second coming. However, there’s more to this story. Jesus wants His people to catch the micro meanings, not just the macro meaning.

There’s nothing more valuable than gaining more of Christ in your life details. In other words, it’s possible to miss moments of intimacy with God because of not focusing on His ways. Actually, you can miss your intended purpose by not eagerly seeking the bridegroom’s arrival in daily details –

• In answers to prayer.
• By recognizing provisions and protections from God for your comfort and joy.
• For wisdom and guidance in tricky scenarios you must manage.
• In situations intended as opportunities of training in personal growth.
• To model and declare the amazing gift of Jesus and reconciliation with God.

 

So, to yearn to know Christ increasingly is to be “ready” to connect with Him in moments of each day. To live “prepared” to respond to His every connection with you.

2. Jesus’ Model

Jesus lived His entire life with boundaries in place. Actually, He was an effective manager, providing a good model.

Let’s look at examples of various boundaries Jesus put into place in His life.

Jesus Sets Healthy Boundaries

1. Time – Energy – Resources

Jesus chose only 12 disciples to train. If anyone could have trained a million, He could have. But God in a human body wisely limited His time, energy, and resources. That’s one example.

What borders are you putting around your time, energy, and resources following His example?

2. Guard Your Heart

Jesus did not share His heart with people in certain situations. “But Jesus would not entrust Himself to them, for He knew all people.” (Jn. 2:24) Instead, He continually reached for connection with His Heavenly Father. Plus, He trusted a small group of disciples with some information. Further, He refused to listen to the enemy’s messages.

All your life issues start in your heart. Are you guarding your heart? (Prov. 4:23)

3. Who Are You Working To Please?

Jesus did not let any person get in the way of God’s will. Among many intentional things He engaged, Jesus pursued the cross with passion, deliberately setting His course to obey God.

Are you too concerned about what other people think? Do you live to please God – or others/yourself? Do you set your heading deliberately to trust and obey God’s Word?

4. Alone Time

Jesus often withdrew from people to spend time alone with His Father. This was enriching and encouraging to Him. In other words, He was truly connecting with God.

Do you prioritize “alone-time” with God each day? Or do you fill all your free time with people and events? Are you content to have more of Jesus? Do you drink in His Word with eager expectation?

5. Room For Overflow

By living an ordinary human life obedient to God – filled with purpose and boundaries – Jesus created room for the overflow of God’s power and provisions in daily scenarios.

How are you creating room for the overflow of God’s miraculous power and provision in your daily situations?

6. Don’t Let Others Pressure You

Jesus did not let people pressure Him into doing ministry the way they thought He should – not even close friends.

When Martha sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was very sick, Jesus did not go immediately to save the day. He purposefully waited another two days till His good friend died. Then He went. Jesus had God’s glory in mind even as He loved His friends.

Are you letting people pressure you into decisions and directions God has not led you in?

7. Protect Helpless Ones

Interestingly, Jesus set clear boundaries particularly around children. “Better to wear a millstone necklace and take a swim in the deep blue sea than give even one of these dear little ones a hard time!” (Lk.17:2 – The Message)

Do you protect children – actually, all helpless people – where they need it? What kind of necklace would God put around your neck?

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries is Wisdom

There are more examples from Christ’s life. Profoundly, setting boundaries enabled Jesus to:

1. Adequately accomplish God’s will and timing.
2. Additionally, bring order and credibility to His work.
3. Plus, engage respect from others.

 

Interestingly, Proverbs talks a lot about boundaries. Here are a few examples. Consider how you can apply these boundaries in your life.

• “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man. Do not associate with one easily angered.” (Prov.22:24) Do you stay away from people who get mad easily?
• “The wise don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness.” (Prov.12:23) Do you guard what you know?
• “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Prov.12:26) How carefully do you choose your friends?
• “God’s people avoid evil ways, and they protect themselves by watching where they go.” (Prov.16:17) Do you watch where you go in choices, conversations, and issues, including politics?
• “Guard your words, mind what you say, and you will keep yourself out of trouble.” (Prov.21:23) How carefully do you guard what you say?

 

God wants you to have a healthy, balanced life. Subsequently, this means putting healthy boundaries into place. Are you working to live a balanced life using God’s wise boundaries?

Scripture urges a person who has been wronged to “run to your Fortress!” To your Tower. (Prov 18:10) Get hemmed in. Get behind your rampart. (Synonyms for rampart are: fortification, wall, barricade.) Sounds like boundaries to me. Are you protecting your heart by staying behind the rampart of God’s love? 

Scripture provides A Resource For Better Thinking to help set healthy boundaries. Check out this helpful article/podcast for an effective “Thinking Grid.”

Application Thoughts And Questions

Based on Jesus’ model:

1. What borders are you putting around your time, energy, and resources following His example?
2. All your life issues start in your heart. Are you guarding your heart?
3. Do you live to please God – or to please others/yourself? 
4. Do you prioritize “alone-time” with God each day?
5. How are you creating room for the overflow of God’s miraculous power and provision in daily situations?
6. Are you letting people pressure you into decisions and directions God has not led you in?
7. Do you protect children – all helpless people – where they need it?

 

I invite you to follow us on your favorite social media. Do sign up on our email list to receive weekly articles. PLUS tune-in to our weekly podcast using your preferred podcast app or use our online player at the top of each article.

Visit our website for resources to get into God’s Word and live an Alive and Active Life.