During a season filled with peace and joy, it’s painful to experience grieving at Christmastime. But that’s what many people do. They celebrate. Simultaneously, they grieve.

There are always losses in life. Sometimes, these losses almost consume the space meant to be filled with peace and joy. Strategically, there are ways to keep these spaces free for healthy processes – even at Christmastime.

Grieving At Christmastime

The reality of loss often puts you in a place of grieving. Incidentally, grieving is not sin. However, not working through grief and hanging onto it – is sinful.

Grief is an unwelcome invader. It does not announce its coming. Rather, it simply appears. After grieving has run its full cycle, it can appear again later. This most often happens through “triggers.”  A simple sound, smell, memory, or sight, can throw you back into a place of grieving – even if you thought you were finished.

Triggers sometimes bring out more that needs to be grieved. When something triggers your grief, take that opportunity to work through to a deeper level of healing. Don’t run from it or cover it up. Triggers are a blessing – if you grieve in a healthy manner. There is a healthy way to grieve and an unhealthy way.

2 Corinthians 7:10 says, “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

Basically, this verse talks about unhealthy and healthy grieving. It also talks about repentance. However, today let’s just focus on unhealthy and healthy grieving.

Unhealthy Grieving

When a person “sorrows” in a worldly way, the result is defeat and death. That means you –

• Re-live the hurt.
• Remember all the details.
• Want to keep talking about your pain.
• Don’t want to submit to the process of making healthy choices.
• Don’t want to let go, move on, and be free.
• Have allowed anger to mushroom in your heart over an injustice.
• May have let shame short-circuit your grieving process.

 

These responses can be rooted so deeply, they actually become your default to aggressive situations or confrontation. It seems impossible to get on with life.

In this place, you are slowly dying inside.

Healthy Grieving

To “sorrow” God’s way involves a process of hard choices while trusting God is still good and Lord over all life. It means wrestling with hard questions while not always coming up with clear answers.

Grieving takes time, energy, and work.

Action Points For Healthy Grieving

Christmastime is not when you want to be overcome with grieving. Nevertheless, sometimes that’s how life happens. When sorrow hits you at the most joyful holiday of the year, there are action points you can engage to help you get through – and not miss Christmas completely.

1. Identify exactly why you are hurting and/or angry.
2. Then, designate time and space to turn to God and be vulnerable with Him.
3. During this time alone with God, look at what the offense or loss did to you and how hard/wrong it was.
4. Next, interact with God about it, perhaps journaling about it.
5. Don’t deny what happened, shove it under the carpet, or excuse it.
6. Determinedly, look it straight in the eye, accept it as part of your history.
7. Then, with open hands, lift the hurt up to God and give it away – to Him. Let go!
8. Finally, deliberately turn your eyes to God for healing.
9. Be still. Wait patiently for God to work in your heart. (Ps. 37:7)

 

Grieving – Part Of Your History

When you accept a hurtful event as part of your history, and trust God for healing as you go through cycles of grieving, the hurt diminishes until it no longer controls you.

Equally, it might be hard to let go of the hurt. Essentially, this could be because you want to launch something to punish another person – even if just in your mind. Or oddly, you may want to live it over and over – thinking somehow that will help address the hurt.

Those thoughts take you out of healthy grieving and into unhealthy grieving.

Let Go And Let God

When you let go of hurt and trust God with it, you leave room for God’s judgment where it’s needed. Plus, you open doors to receive God’s comfort.

Interestingly, when you let the person/event that hurt you “off your hook,” that doesn’t mean they won’t be dealt with. God will keep them “on His hook.”

God is just and sovereign. He will address all things that concern you.

Accept your loss. Be real about it. Do what you can to rebuild. But – trust God. He knows how to handle every unfair act. Plus, He lovingly heals and redeems your sufferings.

Helpful Scriptures

1. Revelation 21:5 “He who was seated on the throne said, ‘I am making everything new!’ “

Remarkably, Jesus promises to make everything new in your life one day. Still, He starts that process today.

2. 2 Thess. 1:6-7 helps you work through grieving in an unfair situation. It describes how God will handle those who have brought trouble to your life.

“God is just: He will pay back trouble to those who trouble you and give relief to you who are troubled . . . This will happen when the Lord Jesus is revealed from heaven in blazing fire with His powerful angels.”

You can let go of the burden of “pay backs.” God will take care of that for you.

God Repays Evil

Did you know God will repay? His timing and methods are different than yours. Nevertheless, God does not forget His promises. Afterall, He is faithful to His Word.

For your part, focus to find comfort in God rather than repayment. Then, commit your future to God.

When you’ve been deeply hurt, you identify with others who are hurting. Be kind to them, knowing someone or something has not been. Quite literally, your own suffering can make you alert to other people’s difficulties.

1. Show compassion.
2. Always measure your words and actions.
3. Take care to not hurt someone else.

 

Jesus’ life is a picture of mercy – even to those who wronged Him. However, He was courageous.

• Jesus identified wrongs.
• He spoke directly into sin.
• Nevertheless, He also spoke with mercy and compassion.

 

Jesus is your example.

More Helpful Scriptures

1. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

God is close to you when your heart is broken and crumbling. He cares deeply that you are crushed in spirit. Further, He will walk with you through your grief. Afterall, His Spirit lives in you and feels everything you feel. Ultimately, He will heal you.

So, what is your portion? Simply trust Him for it.

2. Isaiah 49:13b claims God does two things for you when you are hurting.

1. Comfort you.
2. Has compassion on you in your affliction.

 

So, in your affliction, why not open your heart to receive His comfort and compassion?

3. Hebrews 13:15 “Let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess His name.”

Oddly, this verse talks about a “sacrifice of praise.” A sacrifice is something costly. God sees your loss as you grieve, even at Christmastime.

Subsequently, you can offer a “sacrifice of praise” to God, even when you hurt deeply. Let the fruit of your lips profess the name of God who loves you enough to help and heal you.

Truly, God suffers with you. Remember we said – His Spirit lives in your spirit and body. Consequently, He experiences your sorrow as sharply as you do.

Divine Sponge

Pursue your grief work as far as you can. Invite God into this process. When you’ve done all you know to do – pause.

Incidentally, in this pause, ask God to do what only He can.

Think of God as a great divine sponge. He can soak up grief residue you feel helpless to get rid of. Follow these steps.

1. Open your heart and share it fully with God.
2. Ask Him to soak up hurt, bitterness, and other negative feelings.
3. Believe Him for that. It’s a miracle.
4. Be willing to wait for His timing.

 

God has a way of absorbing and pulling away from you – hurt, pain and loss. Let God be your Divine Sponge if you are grieving at Christmastime.

Application Thoughts And Questions

1. Are you grieving this Christmas? Identify what has happened.
2. Is your grieving healthy or unhealthy?
3. Will you let go and let God?
4. Do you believe God’s promises to you?
5. Will you trust Him to repay?
6. Have you let God be your Divine Sponge?
7. Journal a prayer of gratitude to God for His help and healing.

 

* Portions of this content come from my book – Reach Back: Intentionally Reaching Back To God. – This is a study book that covers various topics like –

• Pausing in life.
• How to handle feelings.
• Loneliness.
• Boundaries.
• Forgiveness.
• Gratitude.

 

You can find this book in our bookstore: www.aliveandactivelife.org/store.

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